Hating my mind like a sieve

No no no no! Sometime since Sunday, I have appeared to have lost Walter’s trumpet tuition. I had it in a special place in my planner, right next to my bill pay log, today is his lesson, and the money is gone. Which means either I have lost it, I dropped it at church when I was taking notes on the organizers I need to make for the lending library, or someone who knows where I keep it stole it from my planner. I don’t think my kids would steal my money, they know that every penny I make goes towards their trumpet and dance lessons. But I am utterly heartbroken that it is gone…

I can pay for half of this month’s lesson, only because yesterday my new winter boots split along the sole and I had to return them, but that means I can’t replace the boots. I also can’t pay the entire month’s worth of lessons, or any of the back amount I owe for November and December (because funds have been really tight).

I hate this kind of choice – get myself the replacement boots to protect my feet(right now everyone in the family has winter boots except me, I only have some knock off ugg slippers), but continue to owe more money – or pay what money I have and go without boots for a while longer. I know what I am choosing, I am going to pay for lessons because I can’t get more behind, but why do I even have to make this choice? Why can’t my money just stay where I put it?

Back to school blues

Sigh, I just had to micromanage my kid for the first time in forever…
I discovered that he decided to forget he had any homework when I told the kids to do their stuff. His sister did hers, he did who knows what in his room (probably a book, because he decided it was hurtful when I asked him if all the Legos on his floor were too much of a distraction). Then I asked him to load the dishwasher at 8:30, so I could have time to read Harry Potter before bed. He disappeared again and then announced that his phone was missing… He didn’t get to the dishes until 9:12. He complained about them so much, he didn’t finish them until 9:28. I had to stand there and keep him in one place, reminding him what dishes go on top and bottom racks, the whole time he is scolding me and telling me I am abusing him because he wants to go to bed instead of doing his dishes (which ps, everyone does at least once a day, but he hadn’t done since Saturday).
Anyhow, I probably shouldn’t be too hard on him – I love sleep, too. But man, why couldn’t he just take the time to load the dishwasher the first time I asked? (I am pretty sure I heard that same question from my dad when I was growing up…)

Fitting in my FitBit

So back in spring, I got a FitBit Surge as my graduation gift. I love it tons, except for one thing. When I measured my wrist, I was exactly between the two sizes for the wristband. So silly me, I figured since my wrists are smaller, and I am trying to lose weight, so I got the smaller watch.

Hahaha. Nope. Apparently after my hand surgery, I discovered that my hands and wrists swell a ton over the course of the day. Plus, the watch documentation suggests wearing the device a bit below the smallest part of your wrist. Oh, and the bands are not changeable like some of the other FitBits.

So I decided to get tricksy, and I measured the band and discovered it  was a very close match to the Garmin Forerunner 920XT. I bought myself a replacement strap on eBay for about $7 (most are $9.99, I lucked into a sale). 

Sure enough, when it got here, the bands link together just fine. I trimmed off the excess strap (from the Garmin strap, not off the FitBit!) and now I am happily and securely wearing it lower and looser on my arm. Plus, if I ever do get my thyroid meds right, and can finally get my body to lose some weight, the FitBit will still fit. 
One really nice thing about this Garmin strap, is that the little loop that holds the band down has the same tiny nub inside it that the FitBit band holder has, so they don’t slide around and let go of the straps. 

  

My body dun broke?

Bargle gargle! I am back from my doctor’s appointment with no more answers than before – I have been tired, brain foggy, never feeling the right temperature, dry skin, flaky nails, insomnia… Signs point to thyroid, as always.

 I really want to try adding T3 to the T4 I am taking, but the doctor wanted to check my free T3/4 levels, since the last thyroid labs done were only my TSH. And they are re-testing my vitamin D, since I have been consistently deficient for years. And also, a sleep study, since I do sometimes snore, and I had issues with apnea before getting my tonsils out (and adenoids out for the second time – mine like to re-grow). And apparently even though I asked them to run labs for the Hashimoto’s antibodies, they didn’t actually do that last time.
So end result is, I don’t get to try supplemental T3 until we find out if my T3 and T4 levels are balanced or not. So I get to wait for the labs to come back before we adjust any medications. Harrumph. And I am waiting for the call from the sleep center, to schedule my test to see if I need help breathing at night. Yay. 

the never ending story…

Saga of the bedrooms, part one million. They are finally in bed. The tarps in the yard are gone. They each have one laundry basket’s worth of stuff that they still want to keep but have not yet figured out where to put it – I will help them with that because I am Not a heartless monster… Never mind what the kids may say!

I have to fold and store their extra clothing – these kids did remarkably well in getting rid of excess clothes. Liney actually donated more clothing than she kept! She finally decided to get rid of everything that was size 6 or smaller, and so did Walter. They now have 7 outfits, plus their Sunday clothes(I let them keep all of that, because it’s like 3 suits and 4 or 5 dresses, and they are all hung up in closets right now). They each have one bin full of clothing to go “shopping” in – every day their rooms stay nice, they can pick out a piece of clothing. I am hoping that by adding things back one at a time, they can keep their drawers organized and tidy. 

So holy stinking cow, by the skin of their teeth, they got their rooms clean like I asked them to. That was an entire weeklong ordeal, and it didn’t actually happen until I emptied their rooms out for them. I think the immensity of seeing how much junk they had amassed was overwhelming for them – I don’t think they realize how much little things can build up.

If only I knew where Liney’s missing shoes were… She is missing 4 or 5 pairs, flats/heels/sandals/boots… There are two empty shelves in her closet, one is for hoodies and one is for more shoes. I guess we will find them at neighbor kids houses…

And now, a couple photos:

   
     

Thyroid/weight update

So I took myself off the Synthroid, and started eating high protein, low/no sugar, natural complex carbs… And now I am at 227. One week after being 234. So almost ten pounds have come off, though I am still ridiculously bloaty feeling. My neck is still a bit swollen, too.

I really think it comes down to what an old endocrinologist told me years ago – my body just can’t convert T4 into T3 fast enough for my body to use. And when I take T4, my body stops making what little thyroid hormone it was managing to churn out…

So I need to ask my doctor about Cytomel, aka supplemental T3 – it seems. Like that is what my body really needs. And I probably do need to keep on some T4, but maybe back to the smaller dose I had been taking before. Oh, and if you’re wondering, no, Armor thyroid didn’t really seem to help at all, and in fact if I got a dose that was slightly off, I got major thyroid rages. Not fun for myself or my family. At all. And apparently the amount of T3 it has is so minimal, it didn’t make any measurable difference in my levels. So I probably need a higher dose of the T3. And I have discovered that the higher dose of T4 did eliminate my thyroid rages. It just didn’t change the weight issues (made them worse), and didn’t help a whole to with the fatigue. It does slow my hair loss down quite a bit, which I like.

Anyhow, payday is tomorrow, so I can go to the doctor next week…

Seriously?

Of course my kids are trying to ONLY do the easiest task tickets, so today they are putting off doing anything that is actually difficult. Except I am not quite sure how straightening books on a shelf is a hard task. Or how it’s super hard to throw away any garbage on the floor…. At least they get a gold star for doing SOMETHING. 

But now I have to back off on rewarding them – I was giving them 30 minutes of free time for every 3 tickets, but they haven’t been sticking to their time limits and tried to turn lunch into an hour and a half long affair, just to avoid going back to their rooms. 

My daughter is probably going to miss dance for the second time this week because she decided to bake cookies without asking me, and I refuse to clean up the mess for her. If she had asked me for permission and help, then I would gladly have helped her. But she didn’t want me to step in until there was a giant mess and impossible to stir cookie batter. I don’t even know if I can rescue these cookies…

Oh and to top it all off, they won’t leave me alone when I take five minutes to go to the toilet. Honestly? I just want to go in peace, leave me alone until I have washed my hands. Why something can ONLY be done in the very instant I leave to go to the bathroom, baffles me beyond all belief.

Teaching kids to be tidy…

So it’s been a real struggle around here to try and get my kids to keep their rooms even remotely tidy. We have also been battling spiders and earwigs this summer, and no matter how much we spray, the bugs keep coming back. And I hate to say it, but the wet towels getting shoved under beds because the kids are too lazy to hang them up seems to have a major part to play in all this. So I have been working on keeping the bathrooms tidy, and have been really encouraging the kids to clean their rooms. It has mostly ended in overwhelmed kids who scream at me like I am the worst person in the world, ever.

Today we had a joint session with Walt’s therapist, and he helped us work out a way to make this happen. Since Walter(and Liney!) often goes into his room with the intention to clean it, but gets lost among all his stuff, we broke the room into separate, individual tasks. These are each written on a cardboard ticket (thankfully I had some from an old old chore chart we never use any more). He can then take the tickets and do the tasks in whatever order he wants (except sweeping and mopping, that one kind of has to be last). Every time he finishes 3 tickets, he can have a small break and/or reward. This allows him to get some help in what to do, but I don’t have to be there bossing him around, and since it’s a physical reminder of what to do, it should keep him from forgetting as soon as he leaves the room. He got 3 done earlier, so I let him go to dance class as his reward, he really wanted to get out of the house and do something fun, and I am glad he is being active and not just trying to play video games. We will see how this works over the rest of today and tomorrow…

And on Saturday, we are going through all the toys and clothes to pare it down. They can keep 10 stuffed animals on their bed, 10 in storage (for baby toys they just can’t quite get rid of, but never play with), and then I am asking them to donate the rest. 
As for their other toys, they have a row of bins in the hall storage counter thing (I have no clue what to call it, it’s like a built in shelving unit for 12×12 storage cubes) and a small set of drawers in their rooms. Once the drawers are full, there is no more room for toys, and then they have to decide what to donate. 
For the clothes, any shirts they can’t fit in for school either need to get donated or put into my tshirt quilt project – I want to make each of them a twin sized blanket. Any clothes that are stained or have holes need to go, no matter what. All church clothes and uniforms have to get hung up, no more trying to cram them in a dresser (and breaking 2 drawers like Walter did, stinky cheap dresser!) 
And the “meanest” part of all? I will only be putting back one week’s worth of clothing into their drawers, and then every day they keep their rooms tidy, they can go “shopping” in the good clothes we kept for new outfits. After a couple months, I will quietly donate the clothing that they consistently pass over and choose not to “buy” back with their responsible behaviors.

I am hoping that maybe this will help them see how much easier it is to keep things tidy by putting everything in a very specific place. I am also hoping this will help us get rid of the earwigs for good – those things are creepy! 

Oh yeah, and I am going to work on teaching them to take their pajamas into the bathroom when they bathe, so they can change right then and there, and don’t have the temptation to just leave the wet towel on the floor or in the closet or wherever those end up (eew).

Wish me luck!
Photo of my Task Tickets:  

 
So it’s not an elegant solution, but the tickets do fit just so into these baby food containers. They are dry erase, since they are these sort of laminated cardboard, and I just wrote on them with dry erase crayons. That way I can re-use them for other tasks if we ever have another job that needs to get broken down into smaller steps.
Here’s some examples of what is on the cards:

  
I have given both kids the same tasks, one kid is in red, the other in blue, just so I can see at a glance who has turned in tickets.

Wallet woes, thyroid troubles…

I called the hotel, no wallet. Tore the car apart and went through everything we packed on the trip, no wallet. I am pretty sure I got pick pocketed, and the only places crowded enough for that to happen was leaving Hollywood Bowl on Thursday night, or a couple of the California pit stops we made when the kids had to use the restroom. 

I am annoyed at having to replace my drivers license, debit card, and insurance cards. What really bothers me is the loss of the actual wallet itself (it was a set with my purse and Liney’s purse, the only way to get it is to purchase her mini purse again – there is one on ebay, but I don’t need the whole extra purse!). The other thing that makes me sad is all the flattened pennies I had been collecting were in my wallet, in the coin pocket. Those are a lot harder for me to replace, since I don’t jaunt off to SoCal very often.

Also, it’s time to get my thyroid tested again… I have been trying not to weigh myself since my doctor put me back on thyroid meds – last time I took them I went from 189 to 236, and got back to 200 after weaning myself off the wrong dose. Bla bla, something about my body not being good at turning T4 into useable T3, but try meds again because thyroid levels are way bad. I weighed myself, because my clothes are all getting uncomfortably tight and I feel like suffocating in my skin… 234. Badump tsss.

So this time I am going to ask for Cytomel, which is supplemental T3, and see if that helps my poor body figure out that I am not in a state of starvation or hibernation. The T4 does seem to help a little bit, but not enough, plus every time I go in to get my levels checked, they raise my dose because my body just can’t seem to get enough. And my vitamin D level is still very low, even with supplementation, and all research points to that being part of my thyroid mess, too.

Tired, cranky, sore, bloated, wallet missing… But the kids really enjoyed their trip, and it was nice to visit my sister again. So now I am done moping about what is lost, and I will spend next week getting everything replaced… Time to git ‘r done, as they say.

Trying to stave off a panic attack

Great. I just realized that my wallet is missing, when I tried to buy the kids a treat in Mesquite after dinner. It’s not in my purse, my backpack, my day bag, or my glove box.
I know I had it last night when I bought my train ticket, and I don’t think I got pickpocketed, because my iPad was in my bag (read it on the train), and I still have that. I didn’t set my purse down either on the train, at the Bowl, or in my sister’s car, so I highly doubt my wallet fell out of my bag (taller than it is wide cross body bag, I never took off the strap because I am paranoid!).

It’s not under the car seat, so I have no clue. It could maybe possibly be in the box in the back of the car, but we don’t have time to stop and let me scour everything for it. It could also have gotten left at the hotel, since I did set my purse down to sleep last night, it could have fallen out and slid under the bed, maybe?

This is so difficult for me, my brain is panicking and telling me to tear the car apart to find it, but Matt made me sit down and shush so that I didn’t ramp myself into a full blown panic… But this simmering anxiety is very uncomfortable, and now that I know my drivers license is missing, I don’t dare drive any more… Auuuugh! 
He is right, though. If it is buried in a box or bag in the trunk, or left in California, me getting anxious won’t change either outcome. So maybe I will just sit here and type and knit and get home as soon as possible… Then I can go through every bag as I take it out of the car. 

I need to learn to be more ¯\_(?)_/¯ and less (>o<)…